Why again? After all these years?

I know its a question that many of you are thinking.

Why again after all these years? You already have 5 children. Don't you want to be done raising kids ever? Isn't enough enough?

Listen. I get it. Please don't think that we didn't wrestle with some of those same thoughts. 

Because we did.

But here is just a tiny glimpse (without giving too many personal details) into why.

When Brian and I got married we never really thought too much about how many kids we would want to have one day. We talked about "if we can't have kids....I guess we'll adopt". But really that was it. Very early into our marriage (like '3 years' early...like 'in the middle of medical school' early) we got pregnant and had Emily. Then Natalie 2 years later. Then Ridge 2 years after that. So honestly adoption wasn't really on our minds or hearts after that. So we decided to "help pregnancy not happen" and found a Dr to do the same. 

And then....

Brian had a car accident in 2004 that ripped our world apart for awhile. And we found God. In a new and powerful way. He changed so much about us during that season of pain and healing and so we began thinking about "if we never had another tomorrow" what would we wish we would have done. And so we began the process to adopt Adiah from China. And it was amazing and life changing and challenging and wonderful. Our hearts opened up to love in ways we NEVER knew was possible. Not just Brian and I, either. Our kids began to love differently. And outside of themselves. And big. 

And then God gave me a dream. No...not that "I have a dream" kind of thing. A literal dream. About another one. And it freaked me the freak out! Because...."GOD! We already have 4 kids and Brian will kill me when I tell him about this. And I want to travel. And do things. And....yes. Ok. I want this!"

So I told Brian about the dream and he didn't kill me (sorry to spoil the surprise!) and he said we'd pray about it until we knew exactly what God meant by that dream. So that's what we did. God showed us the way to Rhett and so here we are with 5 kids. And it's all kinds of wonderful (and loud) just as I'm sure you're imagining. 

So why?

Well....for the past couple of years Brian and I have grieved our decision that we took into our own hands early in our marriage to "control" how many kids we have. Plain and simple. And I won't get into the whats and whys and all that business because that's private. And I know that there are differing views about that. This is our personal journey, however. But we knew that God was stirring our hearts for another. Whatever and however that looked. And as weird as it is for us to be thinking down this road again...we trust Him. And as much as I dragged my feet on getting started (because oh my word the paperwork!) my mother heart is anxious to bring home whoever God has for our family! We're pumped! So yes....I'll have a college kid (she's at Belmont University in Nashville. Waahhh!). One almost graduating high school (she's in 11th grade right now). One beginning his high school career (he's in 9th grade). Two in elementary (they're in 3rd and 2nd grade currently). 

But like we realized after Brian's accident way back in 2004...we're not promised one more day. And our time here is short. And for some reason He has opened our hearts up to this again. So we're fervently working on this paperwork. And trusting his timing. And believing for big things! 

I'll keep you posted.... :)